One + 1 = Thr3e

This is the post that was supposed to happen yesterday, but I couldn't be bothered, so your getting it today! Now, lets address the first thing that you are all thinking... Turtles??? I went to the zoo yesterday... Sorry to disappoint all of you who thought this was the drunken post, and that I was looking for some imaginary turtles... the turtles are real- or so I was told!!

I was at the zoo with family, to celebrate my grandma's birthday, and what better way to celebrate then a picnic at the zoo!! But it was quite a different experience, because I couldn't remember the Melbourne Zoo, coz the last time I was there, I was only in prep, so it had been a while!

The day started with mum waking me up and saying you have ten minutes before you leave, as you are all aware, Adam Mac had a big night Saturday night, but I'll fill you in on that later... hahaha you have to read more!!! I had to drive my car, because the other car was full.. that was a big mistake!!! I swear to god, if I had of been pulled over, I would have blown over 0.05, but I was feeling fine, not much of a hangover!! I may have looked worse, but I felt ok!!

We got to the zoo, and then had to wait outside the entrance till everyone else arrived... And it was here that I made a massive discovery!! The signs that say what you can and can't bring into the zoo, held really important information! Like no dogs, thanks Fiona for saying that I'm not allowed in anymore!! I love you too... and that you can't bring in balloons or whistles!! I know, how rude, so Adam Mac had to walk back to the car, untie the big animal balloons from my wrists and put them back in my car. Then take the three fluro coloured whistles from around my neck and put them in the glove box... I was shattered!!! Then make the sad trip back to the zoo and enter balloonless and whistleless.... Sigh!!!

Upon entering the zoo, I was amazed to see how many people were there... I shoud've realised this when I had to park at the back of the zoo because all the front car parks were full. But it was when we entered the park and heard a noise, which made me turn to my aunty fiona and almost begin to cry!!! It was the joyous sound of a whistle being blown... Yes, I heard right, a whistle!! And upon closer inspection of where the noise came from, it was being emitted from the mouth of a young child, and guess what they had in their hands??? You guessed right, a bloody balloon...

Thats right, the little pieces of shit, had smuggled in some balloons, blown them up and proceeded to play with them, just to piss me off! Because they knew, I had a giraffe balloon, floating in my car!! And they fact they were blowing whistles, just proves to the world what a horrible bunch of kids are being brought up in the world! Harsh I hear you say?? What?? These kids weren't just breaking one rule, not two, but two at the same time, little rebels!!! It was seeing this, that inspired me to think of my future career!! These kids needed to be taught a lesson, and who better then yours truly to teach them!!!

So I'll fill you in on my future aspirations... The only way to describe this career, is probably law enforcer, or something like that... Basically my job would be to go around and POP all the little kids balloons, and then blow a whistle in their ears... Then maybe they might get the message... but thats not all... Why stop there at tormenting the kids, why not leave an everlasting message of fear in their minds... How to do this?? Simple, get dressed in a clown's costume and chase them down first!! That could work!! Then I'm thinking that I'll make my getaway on a bike of some sort, or maybe a lion, either could work!!

Well after contemplating my future as child tormenter, we decided to see the animals, yes we went to the zoo, what else is there to do?? The animals were fun, I enjoyed paying them out!!

I was having fun until I reached a lake, filled with ducks, monkeys- on an island thing, birds, and turtles, apparently!!! I want to know whose bright idea it was to stick turtles in a massive lake thing.. Isn't it the point of the zoo to go laugh and point at the animals on display!! Not to let them be able to hide in a massive lake?? And why put up little signs saying that they are there if you can't see them... False advertising!!! I refused to leave until I saw a turtle, and if I wasn't scared of the dark I would probably be there still!! Only joking! But seriously, I would still be there!! Then going to the reptile house, we got to see turtles, but they weren't the right size and they didn't have long necks, as promised on the sign at the lake!!

There were a couple of other things I noticed at the zoo that were a little suss...

• I had the urge to let the people who work at the zoo know, that some of the animals had escaped and were harassing the members of the viewing public, but refrained, because I thought that it was funny to see a bunch of runaway seagulls being chased down by a kid blowing a whistle- little rebel, breaking the rules again!! But I suppose he must have learnt it from his parents, because they clearly couldn't read the sign saying "Do not feed the animals", hello, seagulls are animals... Just because they've escaped from their enclosure doesn't mean they are free from the rules!!
• Clearly the grass in the lion's enclosure was far too long. I wanted someone to get in there and mow it right away! Surely they could have got a work experience boy, strapped some meat to him and let him mow the grass, charge admission and they'd be laughing!! Well, I'm sure I would be anyway!!
• And the tiger being introduced, when clearly there was no tiger in the enclosure, only some boring guy talk! I was expecting to see the Tiger Enclosure, not the boring-man-who-talks-a-hell-of-a-lot-shit enclosure! If I wanted to see the boring-man-who-talks-a-hell-of-a-lot-shit enclosure, I would have gone to uni!
• Why make the Reptile enclosure round, surely I'm not the only one who kept walking, and thought I had already seen these animals!! How about a little bit of signage people!!!

Overall the trip was fun, and enjoyable, it was a great way for me to release my inner-bitch for a couple of hours!!

This post has gone on for quite some time, so I'll think I'll leave Saturdays tales to tomorrow posts, be sure to read tomorrow!!

Until next time my little chickens, kept blowing those whistles!!!

Adam Mac
Future Law Enforcer!