Time to close down this blog.... Think its come to the point where i can't really add anymore to this, so time to start off afresh.
So closing down this chapter of my life, so I can move on with the next.
So it's been a while since my last post. Well almost six months now. Surprisingly a lot has changed. Whether it be for good that is yet to be seen.
I have a new job, moved away from the pharmacy and now working in clothing retail. Completely different and absolutely loving it. Long hours but its with good people so it's all good. Also working back in the city, so that's a bit different, seeing that we have heaps of customers coming in.
On the boy front, well lets not even talk about this. I will briefly sum up on here that I'm single and can't see that changing anytime soon. I feel that I've lost quite a few connections to the 'gay world' and finding it hard to even fit in anymore. I feel awkward when I go out, mainly because I don't have that many people to go out with anymore.
I've learnt that in the past three weeks, I've invested so much time in believing things about certain people and taking certain things for granted. I've learnt that I don't treat people correctly and as a result have lost some pretty close friendships and am slowly paying the price for it. I assumed that I could just manipulate things to how I wanted them to be and sadly learnt that I really can't do that. Manipulate probably isn't the best word to use, well not manipulate people, but try and plan a future without really consulting other people. This probably makes no sense and paints me as the evil person, but at the moment I just need to get it out.
My mum is concerned that I'm spending too much time alone. I'm finding too much solitude in my books, so all I end up doing is working and then coming home and lying in bed and reading. It helps me escape from having to deal with certain situations. But found that with no reading to do, I just start to sleep. Work has gotten me quite busy as well that I have no time to think about stuff while at work, so I don't really give myself a chance to deal with all situations.
As for my blog, it was something I loved t0 do, something that I would always be happy to add to, but lately I've found that with any writing I've chosen to do, the audience was never quite right. I wanted to be able to vent and write everything that I could on here, but I was scared that it would hurt people's feelings, or that what I was written could be misunderstood.
I think in 09 I need to be more open with feelings, because the more I've kept them inside, the more negative effect they seem to have on me. I also promise that I'll try and keep a more upbeat tone on the page, seeing that I don't wanna be known as some sort of emo kid on here. And being 23, I don't think that I can be really classified as a kid anymore.
I turned 23. No idea what to say about it really. Haven't really organised anything and don't really feel the need to anymore. Went out with some of the girls on the Thursday. Went out fagging on Saturday night, which I was really looking forward to doing. Thankfully some people turned up that I knew, otherwise that could have been pretty depressing.
Well now I just got to wait for next year.
I need to change my outlook. I've been thinking very negatively lately, and need to change that around. Although its a little easier to do than say. And with all the stuff thats been happening lately, I feel like I'm just getting engulfed in it.
Had a couple of days off work so its been good just to relax and do nothing at home. Although I really need to get some stuff organised because I'm sick of having done nothing to show for my day.
So many things to talk about, but I don't think that I can yet. Maybe one day soon.
Everyone has to make some pretty big decisions in their life. These reflect on the type of person that we are, and where we want to go in life. Have you ever felt like everything was going fine, and then all of a sudden it all becomes fuzzy? You lose track of that clear path that you were traveling on, and feel like you are just walking through thick fog.
I thought that all the choices that I've made up until now were quite good. I thought my path, albeit a bit long, was clear. I knew what I wanted to know, and I thought I was on the track to get there. Now its feels like the mother of all fog has decided to just follow me around all day and rain on my parade.
I just wish that I could start all over again. Go back in time and change a couple of decisions that I made. Why can't we just have the option of starting again? Starting afresh. I think all the consequences from my choices are just hitting me now, rather than being affected by them when they happened. Like they've all snowballed together and have decided to hit me now.
Sadly I feel like I'm going nowhere, that the fog is just growing darker and darker, and there is no calm blue sky on the horizon.