In case you may or may not have noticed, AdamMac has kinda disappeared, what from MSN, blogger and other internet commitments I have... Well that is because his internet is being a bitch. Basically its all connected but something is fucking up, and it is pissing me off!!! I have to call DSL support and get some help, because its driving me crazy not having net access....
Anyway, that hasn't been the reason why I havent blogged in a while. The main reason is because I feel I'm suffering something that can only be described as "Blogger's Block". Which I know sounds really sad, but its true. Like my last post was well and truly a while ago. I think the only reason why I'm blogging is because I thought that work was supposed to start at 8am!! Boy!! Was I wrong!! Thats why I'm blogging, nothing better to do...
Over the last couple of weeks, I've gotten a few more addictions, well not addictions, because I haven't been needing to do them all the time, but have developed some new loves, one of which being Big Brother UK!! I've watched bits of pieces and from what I've seen, its awesome. They have more twists and more interesting housemates, and a couple of the formalities, like nominations and evictions are a little bit different, so thats all good. All in all, its really good...
I was thinking of doing something similiar to what Skanky Jo did, sorry you'll always be skanky to me :P, where she posted her goals for the future, and the things that she wanted to do, but when I thought about it, I don't really know what I wanna do, so that isn't going to be fun. One thing I know that I want to do, is to go overseas.
For some reasons, the majority of my friends are going overseas at the moment, or intend to by the end of the year. It makes me so jealous, seeing that the only place I have been overseas is NZ and that was when I was 12. I wanna get away from it all, I need a holiday, but one thing is holding me back.. MONEY!!! I can't afford a h0liday. I know this is my own fault, because basically I live by myself in St Kilda, so majority of my pay goes to rent, but I'm at the point where I don't care where I go, it doesn't have to be overseas, anywhere in Australia would be fine!! The last time I went interstate was ages ago, like we are talking years, and not just 2 or 3, but like 5 or 6!!!! Even if I did have the money, I think I still probably wouldn't go, because I don't know who I would go with.
Its my birthday soon... I'm turing 21! I still can't believe it. I don't feel like I should be turning 21, it just seems wrong. I can't tell people that I'm 21, because I don't feel like. I still feel like I'm young for some reason. I don't know what it is but for some reason, I don't feel in my 20's. I still feel like I've only just turned 18, not 3 years older than that. I was looking at some photos of my times at school, thanks SkankyJo, and it kinda hit me a little bit that I was older, but not a lot. I look different, mainly older and a bit skinner, but apart from that, thats the only real difference. I know it may sound weird, but how do I turn 21?? Is there something that I must do beforehand. Like I know that I turn 21 on the 10th of July, but how do I feel like a 21 year old???? I feel like I've missed some rite of passage somewhere and am stuck being young.
This year is my third year out of high school, and to think that if I had stayed at uni, I would be completing my Bachelor of Arts degree. Sometimes I see dropping uni as a big mistake, but other times I feel like it was the best thing I have done. I've looked back at some choices I've made in my life and trying to see how it has affected me. Obviously, if I hadn't dropped out of uni, I would still probably be at home, and would be spending more time with my family, my little sister wouldn't mistaken me for Captain Feathersword and I would more than likely still be at my old job. Would I have liked that path more than the one I'm currently on at the moment?? Or is this the path that I should be taking?? Theres no way for me to go back, I'm aware of this, the only thing I can keep doing is walking down the path that I've chosen and what for my desk fork in the road. But how long will that take?? And what will it be??
I know I've talked about being single in previous posts, or maybe even hinted at it a little bit, but I figured seeing that I'm going into details about my life at the moment, that I would go into it here. Yes I'm single! I've been single for a while now. Maybe too long, but I know for that I only have myself to blame. I know that they are a lot of people out there, and that all I have to do is go out there and I will find someone, but something is holding me back for some reason. I think the main reason is that I'm not confident in myself enough to be willing to find someone, to be willing to open up to new people. Thats why I tend to not go out there and find new people, but to go out there and stay with my friends, which is another totally different point all together. Another thing is that I can't find time to meet people... I always tend to be too busy, or there is something going on and it just doesn't seem to happen. A lot of people say that if you worry about finding someone you never will, but if you don't you will find someone! I don't know how this works, because its hard to get the notion out of your head that you don't want to find someone.
I was talking about friends earlier and how they are a huge part in my life. I look at my current friendship circle, and realise how important the people in it are, which makes me angry! Now that may seem like a funny thing to say, but my friends have stuck by me through a lot and I have been quite bad to some of them. I feel angry, because people have been so nice to me, yet I have been horrible in return. I know that I went through a stage about a year ago, where I may have hurt people, or removed myself from some people. I do apologise to those people and are thankful that you are still my friends. I know that I've been a bitch to everyone, I don't know why I have done this, but for some reason it tends to happen, and I'm glad that my friends have stuck by me and not left me, without you guys I would be lost. I've made some horrible mistakes in terms of choosing whom my friends are, and hopefully I've learnt from those experiences.
Well, I gone on so much in this post, and can't believe I've written as much as I have!
Hope you enjoyed the little adventure through the thinkings of AdamMac :P
Cheers,
AdamMac
Open for Inspection.
Filed: Myself