Every couple of months it happens. I get bloggers block. I have too many ideas to blog about, and I get confused as to which one to do, I then take too long deciding which one I want to do, and then do none of them.
Also at the moment, my mind isn't in the right spot to be blogging. Need to settle some things out first so I can get my head a bit more clear.
I'm not stopping blogging, I'll just be taking a break over the next couple of weeks, with maybe one or two small posts.
AdamMac.
I dread the day ahead, sometimes making me weep.
To think of the jobs, that all lie ahead,
All that I wish is to just stay in bed.
I wake to the sound, of my alarm clock blaring,
The constant beeping, is quite overbearing.
The knock on the door, confirms what I fear,
That the start of the day, already too near.
As I stumble out of bed, in the mirror I glance,
At a tired young man, leaving nothing to chance.
My whole day is planned, from beginning to end,
Not a minute of time on myself, I can spend.
My room becomes lit, as the new day arises,
I’m hoping my day, brings some new surprises.
My closest is full; no more room not a bit,
My shoes and my suits, all tailored to fit.
Immaculately dressed, as I get in the car,
It’s what I must do, part of being a star.
Parties and signings, must all be attended,
A smile on my face, always expected.
Camera flashes and screams, from my adoring fans.
But not a single one knows me, no one understands.
The ongoing pressure, of being at the top,
Constantly wondering, when will it stop?
This kind of life, though it may seem exciting,
To have time by yourself, you’ll be constantly fighting.
How I wish I could just spend a minute alone,
And make all the decisions, all on my own.
I went clubbing last night, and had something happen to me which never happens. I guy tried to pick me up. Let's set the scene:
AdamMac was standing in a hallway, after his friends had gone upstairs. A big bunch of people squeeze their way through the tiny hallway. AdamMac is trying to use his phone to text people, and one of the guys squeezing through comes up next to him and says, 'Kiss?'.That was it. One word. It was kinda depressing. Mainly because apparently I look easy enough to be picked up with one word. Just because I'm standing next to the stairs to the
It made me think. Did I look that desperate to make a 50-something guy think he had a chance with me?
This is why I hate the scene. It plays on my emotions. I've always wondered if it was the same at straight clubs. I figured at straight clubs it would be a little different, seeing that I think that its more common to randomly pick someone up at a gay club, compared to a straight club. It supposed to do with something about men's sexual mentality. Mainly because we are supposed to be horny 24-7 and on the constant look-out for our next conquest. That's the reason why I don't like the scene. I'm not like this typical guy. I don't go looking for the next conquest, I've got no need to.
But then I have to ask myself, if I'm not like that, why am I getting depressed being there? I suppose its a question that will be on my mind for a while.
AdamMac.
2007 was always going to be the year of travel for AdamMac. I've toyed with heaps of ideas, Europe, US and now Bali. Contiki was always going to be the option, I just didn't know which one. Each one has their pros and cons, and when I've thought about it, I really wanna go to Bali. Contiki have an awesome resort, with awesome rooms and awesome facilities. Woah, too much use of the word awesome, so I might not use it again.
I don't think I'd have enough money for Europe. To do Europe properly I'd need more time and more money. That would be awesome great! To back pack around Europe at my own accord and just see everything. So maybe that can be a longer term goal.
Apparenlty the US is a lot like Australia, in terms of culture and everything, and for my first real trip I wanna be somewhere where it is culturally different. I think thats why I choose Bali over the US.
I'm hoping to travel later this year, just need someone to go with, but hopefully I've already found that person.
AdamMac.
A lot of people ask me why my name of my blog is C Grade Personality. The main reason why this came about is that I used to do a radio show with Meghan B. and my mum used to call me a C Grade Personality because I was like a D Grade Star. Also at the time I was doing some amateur theatre, which helped her in her reasoning.
I haven't really done that much lately to keep up my C Grade status. I've been lazy. But that's all going to change.
You may have noticed a slight change in my blog layout. Well maybe not that slight. I've put little tabs at the top of my blog to re-direct you to some other pages that I've set up to be all about me! These are the sites that I've created accounts on LiveJournal, MySpace, vod:pod, and Flickr.
I'm still going to be doing my blog, but I've also going to start using all the other sites as well.
So, I'm getting my internet on, to keep my C Grade status. Who knows, there may also be some other plans in the making to keep the status, but you'll just have to keep tuned for that one!
AdamMac.
C Grade Personality
Day 20.
I've made it half way through my lent. That means for the last 20 days, I haven't eaten anything with chocolate in it, or purchased anything from one of the major fast food outlets. I'm proud of myself, and shocked that I've even made it this far.
So far it's been a challenge. I've never really realised how many things chocolate is actually in, but over the last couple of weeks, its been quite clear. A lot of ice cream places don't have a lot of variety for people who don't eat chocolate. Neither do some restaurants.
I've also found it difficult not to just pull into a drive-thru and get tea on the way home. Or early in the morning, if I'm feeling peckish, I can no longer grab a Sausage McMuffin!
Well I've made it this far, and no matter how much I'm tempted, I won't succumb. I'm going to last the forty days or die trying.
AdamMac.
Over the last week, I've needed to get an elevator to get out of the carpark. Every day this week, I've gotten the same elevator. The elevator with no lights. Now I park on level 12 and I have to go all the way down to the bottom level to get out of the car park.
Now I would be fine if I just had to go in the elevator and have a nice quick trip down to the bottom and not have anyone else in it, but every day I get on the elevator by myself, but come level 10, someone else jumps on.
It can be very daunting to be standing in a black box with someone else, with the only light being the numbers above the door slowly counting downing to 1. I also get paranoid that they can hear the music that my iPod is playing, because sometimes when its on random, it plays songs that I'm usually embarrassed of. So I have to turn that off before I get on.
So, basically for everyday this week, I've been travelling in a black box with some complete stranger, in complete silence. For some reason its a bit hard to make small talk when you are alone in a tiny black box. Well it is for me, when the over person in the box is usually a fat, 40 something, balding guy. If it was a young, attractive guy, I'm sure it would be a different story :P
AdamMac.
Forgive me father for I have sinned. For about a month now, every Sunday I've been indulging in a simple guilty pleasure. It's true, every Sunday I watch 'Australia's got Talent'.
I don't know why I watch it. Some of the people on it scares me, but some of the others are quite entertaining. I love seeing them just burn out, and others I sit there thinking, hang on they were actually quite good. I want one of the buzzers for me at home, so I can sit there and buzz the people I don't like, then have a big red cross come up on the screen with AdamMac written underneath it.
I know that they can't hear me on the television and that all the rehearsals have probably been pre-recorded so it probably doesn't matter if I scream at my tv, but I'll still do it. I still want to have my input one way or another, even if its not being listened to.
Nothing in the Australian series has really grabbed my attention, nothing like one that I saw on the American version.
If anyone does something like this on Australian's got Talent, I would be impressed. Otherwise I'll just sit and wait.
After its been displayed on my MSN for quite some time now, a lot of people have been asking why its been there. It's not there because of my love for 'Bring It On'. It's not there because I walk around saying it all the time. It's there because someone once said it to me to be inspiration.
I've been thinking about it lately, and I think that in a lot of things that I do, I need to be more aggressive. I need to be forward in my approach of things. No longer will I just sit back and wait for things to come to me, because really, when does that ever happen. I've decided that if I want something so badly, or not even so badly, I will still be straight forward and try to get what I want.
So basically, no more pussy footing around, if I want something, I'm going to get it!
AdamMac