One + 1 = Thr3e

I very rarely get telemarketers call me. I suppose this would be a good thing for most people, I actually love getting them. Well, only when they call to try and make me change to their company for my home phone needs. Seeing that I work in customer service for home phones, the likelihood of me actually changing providers is very slim, but I like to listen to see what they have to offer, and then ask them questions.

I like to sound keen, like to give them that slim glimmer of hope that I might change to their company. By doing this, it makes the end of the call more satisfying. I'll explain.

I listen to them tell me everything, which usually takes a good five minutes, then when they ask if I have any questions, that's why I really start playing with them. My favourite question, 'I've got family visiting Diego Garcia*, and I need to call them everyday, so I need good rates to that country.' I feel a sense of accomplishment when I have to repeat myself because they need to write down Diego Garcia because they have never heard of it. I'm then put on hold by the representative, who has gone on a hunt trying to find the best rate to this country thinking that if they come back with something good they may have made a sale. Now the conversation goes either two ways. One, the representative discovers that majority of calls to this country are barred**, or two, they have found some really expensive rates and feel bad telling me them so they try and win me over with something else.

Seeing that they took forever to find the rates, I then tell them that they've wasted so much of my time today, and I'd be ridiculous to go to their company, tell them to have a nice day and then hang up the phone.

That's the approach that I like to take. I don't get aggressive, I just make them feel bad for wasting my time, when it was actually me wasting theirs. For the first time yesterday I wasn't able to use this, mainly because the rep was a bitch.

She called me yesterday morning, saying she was from so-and-so company, and proceeded to bad mouth my company. This was before she even knew I worked for them. So I let her continue, letting her ride her high horse for a little bit longer until the perfect moment came to knock her down. She told me a blatant lie, to try and bring me across. Basically, she said that there are no contract breakage fees for going to that company. BULLSHIT! I then told her I was on a 12 month agreement with my current company and she said that didn't matter. To which I told her that I actually worked for that company, and it does matter. Her response. 'Well that's what we were told in training, so I'm right!'.

I knew I had two options at that point, politely hang up or correct the cow. I'm sure you can guess which one I choose...

'I'm sorry to tell you this, but your training is wrong. Your the reason why I have customers calling me at my work, because you have promised this exact same thing and obviously can't deliver. Your the reason why I have people screaming at me through the phone, and then having them come back to our company because your telling them lies. If I was you, I would consider not telling people that and getting someone to re look at your training. I hope you have a nice day.'

At that, I hung up the phone.

BitchMac

*For those that don't know, Diego Garcia is an atoll located in the heart of the Indian Ocean.
** This is because of a thing called Internet dumping, where you can only really call this country by paying premium rates.