One + 1 = Thr3e

I very rarely get telemarketers call me. I suppose this would be a good thing for most people, I actually love getting them. Well, only when they call to try and make me change to their company for my home phone needs. Seeing that I work in customer service for home phones, the likelihood of me actually changing providers is very slim, but I like to listen to see what they have to offer, and then ask them questions.

I like to sound keen, like to give them that slim glimmer of hope that I might change to their company. By doing this, it makes the end of the call more satisfying. I'll explain.

I listen to them tell me everything, which usually takes a good five minutes, then when they ask if I have any questions, that's why I really start playing with them. My favourite question, 'I've got family visiting Diego Garcia*, and I need to call them everyday, so I need good rates to that country.' I feel a sense of accomplishment when I have to repeat myself because they need to write down Diego Garcia because they have never heard of it. I'm then put on hold by the representative, who has gone on a hunt trying to find the best rate to this country thinking that if they come back with something good they may have made a sale. Now the conversation goes either two ways. One, the representative discovers that majority of calls to this country are barred**, or two, they have found some really expensive rates and feel bad telling me them so they try and win me over with something else.

Seeing that they took forever to find the rates, I then tell them that they've wasted so much of my time today, and I'd be ridiculous to go to their company, tell them to have a nice day and then hang up the phone.

That's the approach that I like to take. I don't get aggressive, I just make them feel bad for wasting my time, when it was actually me wasting theirs. For the first time yesterday I wasn't able to use this, mainly because the rep was a bitch.

She called me yesterday morning, saying she was from so-and-so company, and proceeded to bad mouth my company. This was before she even knew I worked for them. So I let her continue, letting her ride her high horse for a little bit longer until the perfect moment came to knock her down. She told me a blatant lie, to try and bring me across. Basically, she said that there are no contract breakage fees for going to that company. BULLSHIT! I then told her I was on a 12 month agreement with my current company and she said that didn't matter. To which I told her that I actually worked for that company, and it does matter. Her response. 'Well that's what we were told in training, so I'm right!'.

I knew I had two options at that point, politely hang up or correct the cow. I'm sure you can guess which one I choose...

'I'm sorry to tell you this, but your training is wrong. Your the reason why I have customers calling me at my work, because you have promised this exact same thing and obviously can't deliver. Your the reason why I have people screaming at me through the phone, and then having them come back to our company because your telling them lies. If I was you, I would consider not telling people that and getting someone to re look at your training. I hope you have a nice day.'

At that, I hung up the phone.

BitchMac

*For those that don't know, Diego Garcia is an atoll located in the heart of the Indian Ocean.
** This is because of a thing called Internet dumping, where you can only really call this country by paying premium rates.

... and she hates me!

Last night while jogging, yes I did say jogging, I was feeling pretty good about myself. I had gone for a jog, actually eaten dinner, and things were kinda going okay.

When I got back to my car, I noticed that the keyhole on my passenger side door was broken, so I looked inside and saw that my CD player was still there, so I assumed that somebody had tried to break in and couldn't.

Until. I get a phone call from my credit card company this morning, wanting to confirm some suspicious transactions that happened last night. $1000 worth of transactions to be precise. Ranging from Coles supermarkets to Safeway liquor stores to a petrol station where it was finally declined. I told the guy on the other end of the phone, that I didn't make any, and he asked if I had my card. So I put the phone down, went to my wallet and alas, no card!

FUCK! That was the first thing that came into my head. Hang on, it was the first, second, third, fourth, etc thing that came in my head. I now have to go to the police station, fill out a report, and then do further investigations with my card company. And because they pushed me over my limit, I don't get my card back for a while! Woo Fucking Hoo!

So a message to those lovely fuckheads who broke into my car:

I'd thought my chipmunks had died. I thought they were dead. Over the last couple of days, I've been border lining on tears due to their lack of existence. But alas, they are working again. I didn't realise that I needed to plug my speakers in for them to work.

A couple of weeks ago, I discovered an option on my media player to speed up songs, so they sound like chipmunks, and being the bored drunk at home, I think I have sped up almost every song in my library*. There are some songs that work well being munk'd, and others that are really, really bad.

After a far bit of experimenting, I've found out some tips for people who are munking for the first time. These are:

• Majority of songs with more than 2 female vocals singing together, don't really work well together. Mainly because their voices are already high enough, and when you speed it up, you really can't hear the song over all the dogs in your neighborhood barking!
• Any sort of male ballad works well, for example, Shannol Noll - What about me.
• Any sort of remix'd version of a song, usually doesn't work well. All you get to hear is a loud thumping through the song and its really really fast, so unless your a real quick dancer, then don't try it.
• Any song with a loud male screaming is funny at first, but windows break quite easily...
• Eminem sounds funny after he sounds like his been sucking on helium balloons!

If you can't be bothered experimenting and wanna just hear goods ones, I recommend these:

• What about me - Shannol Noll
  
• Tribute - Tenacious D
  
• I don't feel like dancing - Scissor Sisters
  
• I put a spell on you - Bette Midler
  
• Love Shack - B'52s
• A Public Affair - Jessica Simpson

I'll also take this opportunity to thank my neighbours for probably having to put up with the noise I'm creating from finding a good one and screaming, and then dancing around my lounge room singing in my best chipmunk voice**.

Munk'dMac

*Maybe not ever song, I don't have that much free time
** I was drunk at the time, so its okay, I think!

Its getting closer. I'm moving! We got the place in Atlona, and I am stoked!! Haven't been happy about something in a while. I'm looking forward to living in a nice place, with the adorable Meghan B. But there are some things I'm going to miss.

Obviously living by myself I've had heaps of privacy, and the place where I'm living at the moment is ridiculously close to everything. Fifteen minute tram ride to work, walking distance to Commercial Road, and easy driving distance to Chaddy/Southland. They are probably going to be the main things I'm going to miss.

I'm not going to miss my crazy old neighbours, having such a tiny apartment where at times I feel like I can't breathe, the embarrassment of having people over because this place is too small, my current real estate agent, crazy reverse parallel parking spot, noisy traffic, and the list goes on...

I'm hoping to end this week in a big note, so this Saturday I wanna do something big, but I wanna stay away from Commercial Road, need a bit of a break from there. So if anyone has any ideas on what I can do, let me know!

MovingMac

I was lying on the floor at work today, during my first break. I think I was trying to sober up, note to self try to get at least four hours sleep before work if I've had a massive night, and Tamara saw me lying there and told me that my fly was starting to come undone. I looked down and she was right, it was indeed. Now this usually happens to me quite often, my fly starts to just go down, but not down that much, she could only see it because my shirt had lifted up when I lied down.

I told her that it wasn't coming undone, but it was always like this. The response I got from her was weird. She asked why I didn't lock it when I pulled the zip up. I think that she guessed from my puzzled look on my face that I had no idea what this lock was, and no idea where it was for that matter. So she learned across and zipped up my fly*, and made it so the tag thing on the zip was facing down. After doing this, she announced that she had now locked it and had a smile on her face that just screamed triumph.

After a couple of minutes of then studying my fly to see what she had done that was so different to what I usually did, and her wetting herself in laughter, I asked her what was so different. Apparently, whenever I do up my fly I don't put the little tag thing down, so it doesn't lock it. There is some weird latch thing, that then stops the fly from going down. To be honest, I was shocked. Never did I think that there was such a thing. Even after a good 10 years of jean wearing behind me, and 2 years of working in a clothing manufacturing company, I had no idea this thing existed.

Of course in my excitement, I had to go tell everybody, which is something I do with a lot of things that I learn at work. So the last ten minutes of my break was pretty much wasted on telling people about my fly. And now I've wasted another 5 typing up this post.

If only I had of known this beforehand. I wouldn't have had those embarrassing moments on my 21st, when my fly started to come down. Although, I still find it funny, being on stage having 'Happy Birthday' sung to me and I was too busy facing the wall, doing up my fly....

*By the way, this is probably the closest anyone has come to my fly in a long time... How depressing.

I'm moving. After my year long stint in the city. I'm going to go live in Altona *fingers crossed*

After a gruelling day of househunting on Thursday, with dodgy places and dodgy real estates, the last place we saw was like a shining beacon of hope. Its near new, and HOT! Both me and Meghan B. fell in love with it when we first saw it.

So applications are being submitted, so fingers crossed we get it.

I was going to go through all the funny things that happened on Thursday, but can't be bothered, so I figured I would just put them in dot points:

1. Being told by a real estate agent, that the place was 'walking distance'. Clearly some people have different ideas on walking distance. I don't think 20 mins, and over a bridge in hot weather in walking distance, when your wearing jeans, shirt and leather shoes.
2. Old Spanish ladies trying to promote a hole. Asking Meghan and pointing at me saying 'Boyfriend". I think that its getting a tiring people asking that, and we are running out of ideas to say in return. I'm thinking maybe we could go with the divorced option, or say we are family, twins, married. Lots of options. But just don't ask us when we are drunk, Megsy usually turns around and says, 'Nah, hes a fag!'. Ah! Good memories of Christmas Eve.
3. Seeing a place that looked like a tip and running away before the appointment, I know shame on us, but we clearly didn't look like people who were going to live in Laverton, no offence to people in Laverton but come on!?!
4. Playing 'I-Spy' but with a lack of inspiration and saying things like car, grass and tree!
5. Having Meghan know more than the real estate agents, because she is uber organised, and when they would ask her about a property, she would reply, 'No thank you, the tenants aren't leaving till the 29th and we want to see it today!'.
6. Having the real estate tell me that the walk to the train station was only 10 minutes away, so it would be fine unless you was wearing heels. Now, for some reason that was directed at me, seeing I was the only one in the room. First of all, do I look like the type of person who would wear heels?? And second of all, if I did wear heels, I don't think I'd be going on public transport, Eve would be better than that!

So yeah, funny stuff... I'll post again tonight, seeing that I haven't done some for a while! So you getting a lot!

Could I have finally found the one???

We are a week into the new year, and well if it keeps going this way, I wanna skip this year already.

During a convo I had with Jo just after New Years, we were saying that however your New Years Eve is spent, is a sign for the year to come. If thats the case, my year is going to be full of working my arse off, and not spending it with friends. So in other words, I'm going to be a loner again this year. I was working at the bar I frequent, wearing a black singlet, silver mask (which I've come to love) and a silver top hat. Lots of fun was had, I was flat out as we were really busy.

I have no news year resolutions this year. Whats the point? We never complete them, and it just sets us up for disappointment in 12 months, so why bother, I'm sure there are many things that are gonna cause that, let alone myself.

2006 was a pretty big year for me. I moved out by myself into St Kilda. I became a hell of a lot more independant. I turned 21. I lost friends. I gained friends. I had a relationship. I got more responsibilities at work. Had my first family member pass away. Got fucked around by guys. Tried to keep a diary. Drank a fair bit of alcohol. Put too much trust in people. Went out of my way to try and keep a friendship, which I don't know helped. Got a new phone. Met new people. Been in debt.

Well lets hope 2007 is better. But as said above, if the last week is any sign.... :(