One + 1 = Thr3e

Isn't it funny, that when you watch a television show, you can associate with the people in it. You can look at the show and think, that's exactly how I would react, or that's exactly like what I did. Have you ever watched a show, and had that feeling with all the main characters? I have.

When you watch something on television, you can judge it right away. You can think to yourself, that was really bad, why did he do that? But, in real life its not that easy. You can't judge your actions as soon as you do them. I think one of the main reasons why you can't do this in real life is because you don't get to see the full picture. You don't get to see how one small decision that you've made, has affected people's lives around you. Whereas in a television show, you can see it all.

The show that I was watching was Queer as Folk (US), typical I know! In the time of about two episodes, I was seeing some of the things I have done on screen, and it made me think about when I actually did them in real life. But I didn't stop there, I started placing other people in the show. I started taking characteristics I had seen in my friends, and then associated them with the characters in the show. It was turning into my own little version of Queer as Folk, with all my friends in it.

When I watched it and saw them doing the exact same thing I have done, it made me think about a lot of my actions over the last two years. It made me question whether or not my actions were correct. I know that in the last two years, I have done a couple of wrong things, and that I may have hurt some people, but its because of my own reasons. I'm slowly working on them, and hopefully, soon, I'll be able to figure out exactly why it happened.

I know that lately I've changed a fair bit. Even in the last two months. Basically, may main problem I had was when I would see someone, and they would get attached, in terms of really liking me, and wanting to take it further, I would push them away, and practically disappear! It explains my ever changing circle of friends. I know this sounds silly, but its just what I did. I don't know if this was because of personal commitment issues I have, or I just didn't like that person. I thought it was safe to say that I had changed a little bit recently, maybe I was a bit wrong. I stopped seeing someone a couple of weeks ago. I still wanted to remain friends, because I think he is a great guy. Usually, I wouldn't want this to happen, and would have just stopped talking to this person, but I still wanted to be friends with him.

Last night, on a normal conversation on MSN, he suggests we have 'a break'. He said it would be good for our friendship. I get a text message later that night saying he was only being stupid and didn't mean it. The thing is though, he would have had to have that thought running though his head for him to even mention it, meaning he had been thinking about it. It made me think, that maybe it wasn't just me pushing people away, but people also staying away from me.

I know it sounds stupid, but I started to think that maybe when people get close to me, they realise something about me that I haven't yet seen in myself, and it scares them away.

Anyway, I think I've gone too deep into one little issue and should just liven up! Enough of this deep and meaningful stuff, I don't usually do this!

In completely other news, 'A Forbidden Secret' is coming soon. Expect to see it early 2007!

AdamMac
Living vicariously through QAF