I need to change my outlook. I've been thinking very negatively lately, and need to change that around. Although its a little easier to do than say. And with all the stuff thats been happening lately, I feel like I'm just getting engulfed in it.
Had a couple of days off work so its been good just to relax and do nothing at home. Although I really need to get some stuff organised because I'm sick of having done nothing to show for my day.
So many things to talk about, but I don't think that I can yet. Maybe one day soon.
Everyone has to make some pretty big decisions in their life. These reflect on the type of person that we are, and where we want to go in life. Have you ever felt like everything was going fine, and then all of a sudden it all becomes fuzzy? You lose track of that clear path that you were traveling on, and feel like you are just walking through thick fog.
I thought that all the choices that I've made up until now were quite good. I thought my path, albeit a bit long, was clear. I knew what I wanted to know, and I thought I was on the track to get there. Now its feels like the mother of all fog has decided to just follow me around all day and rain on my parade.
I just wish that I could start all over again. Go back in time and change a couple of decisions that I made. Why can't we just have the option of starting again? Starting afresh. I think all the consequences from my choices are just hitting me now, rather than being affected by them when they happened. Like they've all snowballed together and have decided to hit me now.
Sadly I feel like I'm going nowhere, that the fog is just growing darker and darker, and there is no calm blue sky on the horizon.
Cold hearted.
Emotionally retarded.
Relationship-phobe.
Fucked in the head.
Incapable of feelings.
Anti-romantic.
Single and lonely forever.
Detached.
Heartbreaker.
Headfucker.
Guarded.
Have I forgotten anything?
By the way, these are just ways I've been described in the last couple of months.
Long absence. Been working like crazy. Ummm also started writing. I know its not my thing, but had an idea come into my head, and the only way to clear it is to type it or write it out. Still in the beginning stages, but kinda excited on the way things are panning out.
Work has kinda taken out a lot out of me. But I'm still loving every bit of it. Couldn't be more excited, and actually enjoy going to work everyday. The people are awesome, and yeah.
This week has been pretty crappy, probably one of the worst weeks I've had this year. It just seems that the bad news just doesn't stop coming. Well fingers crossed that it does, otherwise I don't know what I'd do.