A thing in the past is slowly starting to catch up with me. Well not that much in the past, but still last year was a little while ago.
Don't you hate it, when you realize too late that you had something really good, and no matter how hard you try to get it back you can't? I had something really good. Perhaps even too good, and I took it for granted. Its gone now, and it wasn't until recently that I've actually started missing it. I think its because I'm being faced with a situation which could potentially replace it.
Problem is, I don't think I can replace it. I don't really wanna lose those memories that I have, and don't think that I could even have better ones. It just sucks. Maybe I'm letting it get to my head just a little bit too much, but when you've had such strong feelings, its kinda hard to let them go. I can't turn them off like they are some sort of light switch.
So now I'm lost. I think I need to talk to people for help in trying to figure out what to do next. Only problem is, that if I open up to people and tell them what I think, they usually tend to laugh it off and think I'm joking. I've been putting up the facade of being a happy-go-lucky guy for a while now, and people don't really that take me that seriously. Do I have to do a total revamp of my character to get people to take me seriously? Only problem is that it opens me up to getting hurt again, which has been the major reason for me keeping my emotions kept away.
Do I attempt to replace this empty feeling? All I know is that if I could turn back time and stop certain things from happening, and not take things for granted, I would be a very happy person indeed.
I really need to sort this out. I'm sick of waking in the middle of the night, having the same thoughts running a marathon in my head. And is it sad, that even though it happened ages ago, I've only shed proper tears for it recently?
:(
An 18th Dress Up Party - Come as a Musical Character
Why else would I be wearing short shorts, pink stockings and eyeliner Only could mean that it was dress up party. If you were wondering what I'm dressed up as, I'm a bohemian from 'We Will Rock You!'.
It was a good night. I had a lot of fun dressing up, as I hadn't done that for awhile, and it was good to be a bit creative for once. My costumer was created in the last hour before the party. As per usual, I left it to the last minute, but I was pretty happy with the end result.
One bad thing about the night, was that I ended up in the spa, and I know some people have some photos, so slightly scared that that might come back to haunt me.
New Years Eve 07/08
Spent it with the girls, which is something I hadn't done for a couple of years. It was my first New Years since coming out to everyone that I hadn't spent it in a fag club. Kinda glad that I didn't end up there.
Started off with a quiet dinner at Becs, I baked a cake which I was quite proud of, even though the icing on it was a tad bit impromptu, but I still thought it tasted nice. Who know that something good could come out of something wrong happening. Semi impressed by my cooking abilities.
I was already drunk on the train ride there, so that was a lot of fun. A bit squished to get St Kilda on public transport, but once we got there I couldn't be happier we were there. It wasn't too packed and it was filled with some pretty cool people.
The night was full of heaps of shots and too much alcohol. With some people being kicked out and vomiting on the side of the street. Quite note, it wasn't me!
Also exciting at the promise that was made, so lets see how the next twelve months go.
They can't be any worse than the last twelve.
Things changed.
New appreciations. Less dependencies.
New goals. Different direction. More realistic.
Delay study. Welcome travel.
People missed. Deeper friendships. Missed memories. Missed emotions.
Regret decisions. No closure.
New Blog. New Name. New Layout. New Feel. New Everything.